Success Over Stress

Decrease Your Stress- You're Worth It!

Redford and Virginia Williams

Too much stress—whether it makes you blow up, melt down, run faster, or not have time to relax—can harm your body. Scientists report that on average people who often get angry or sad have worse health than calmer, happier persons. The same prediction of poorer health holds true for people who aren't connected to others. A stressful workplace can be harmful to your health as well. Persons with high demand-low control jobs are more likely to suffer from high blood pressure and to have enlarged hearts. These predictions hold up even when the effects of other known risks, like age or health habits, are controlled for.

Even among Duke employees, stress isn't hard to find.

Bob: "Ten years ago my commute took 25 minutes. Now it often takes 45. And I haven't moved!"

Faith: "Freddy was the sweetest little boy when he was in grammar school.. Now he ignores me altogether or rolls his eyes when I try to correct him!"

Janice: "Maggie and I have the same job description and I make about the same amount of money. We've been told that we're to take turns with typing requests and answering the telephone. But I'm doing twice as much of the work! And my home situation is just as bad!

STRESS CAN BE MANAGED. Sometimes Bob, Faith, and Janice need to act to get rid of the sources of their stress. Other times it's better for them to try to change their reactions to stressful situations. The good news is that they—and you— can develop skills that will increase effectiveness, while reducing the physical toll caused by too much stress.

Tune into thoughts and feelings. When you fail to adequately gauge your own true thoughts and feelings, you may act against your own best interests. Listen to the running dialogue playing inside your head—you may be telling yourself something important. And emotions are your body's best way of telling you, "Pay attention!" Whenever you experience negative thoughts like "She's a jerk!" or negative feelings such as anger, fear, disgust or sadness, it's time to evaluate that situation.

Evaluate negative thoughts, negative feelings, and options. First, observe exactly what objective circumstances caused those thoughts and feelings. Then ask these four questions:

Is this important to me? If you answer "no," you are wasting your time thinking further about the situation.

Are my thoughts and feelings APPROPRIATE, given the facts? Maybe Faith will conclude that Freddy's sullen attitude is just part of being a teenager.

Is the situation MODIFIABLE? Unless there are alternate routes or he is willing to move or change jobs, that 45-minute commute may not be something Bob can change. On the other hand, he can relax his body so he doesn't become so stressed by the traffic.

When I balance the needs of myself and others, is taking action WORTH IT? Janice might conclude yes to this and all of the other questions as well. If she doesn't defer to Maggie a fair share of the work, her resentment will continue to fester.

How are you going to remember all this? Whenever you are experiencing a negative thought or feeling, stop and say "I A-M Worth It" to bring up the four questions :

I-Important, A-Appropriate, M-Modifiable, and Worth It.

Chill out when you answer "No" to any of the I A-M Worth It questions.

When you answer any of the four questions with a "no," action isn't called for. Instead try to get over your negative thoughts and feelings so you will stop feeling stressed. First, try reasoning with yourself. After all, you've decided the matter is unimportant, your reaction is inappropriate, you can't change the situation or that taking action isn't worth it.

If you still are feeling stressed, try a one-minute relaxation exercise. You could first tell yourself to "Stop," and focus your eyes straight ahead. Take a slow, deep breath, saying "relax" as you breathe out. Repeat these relaxing breaths three times. On the next inhale, clench your fists, relaxing as you exhale. Move on to clench your feet and toes, relaxing as you exhale. Next shrug your shoulders as you inhale, relaxing on the exhale. Repeat, tilting your head to the right, exhaling as you straighten, then repeat on the left. On the final breath, picture yourself relaxed when you inhale and exhale.

If the relaxation exercise is too much to remember, at least declare a one-minute time out and think about something that relaxes you.

Take action when you answer "Yes" to all four I A-M Worth It questions. You need to change those situations. If it involves another person, ask in very specific terms for what you need. "I have two reports already. Maggie has none. Please ask Maggie to type your report." Or when the situation is the problem, try to look for solutions, by yourself or with help from others. Maybe Janice's partner can help her figure out how she can cut back on the demands on her at home. "Working so hard is getting to me. Could we set aside a time to talk about how I can cut back?" Maybe Janice will have to look for solutions by herself or with a friend. Somehow, she needs to find a way to reduce the demands on her at home, as well as at work. As she's tempted just to trudge on instead of trying to change her situation, Janice should keep reminding herself that's she worth it.

And so are you.

(Redford Williams, M.D. and Virginia Williams, Ph.D. run the LifeSkills program which teaches communication, relationship and stress management skills, 286-4566.)

LIVE FOR LIFE^® at Duke, www.hr.duke.edu/eohs/livelife

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