Imagine you are stuck in traffic, late for an appointment. You catch every light and miss a turn. You are 10 minutes late and the minutes seem to be flying by as you finally pull up to the building. Suppose later that day, you are waiting for a friend to meet you and your friend is 10 minutes late. You are bored and worried- the time passes painfully slowly. What's the difference- it's the same day, both episodes lasted 10 minutes? Our thinking is the difference.

We can't have an experience without thought. What we think becomes our emotions, perceptions, sensations, decisions and behaviors. Of course our thoughts don't cause occurrences in the outside world, but thought is primarily responsible for our reaction to the outside world. So in trying to manage stress, managing our thoughts is the most important thing we can do. And with some practice we can increase our sense of satisfaction and calmness without changing anything else in our life.

Because our thinking is automatic, it becomes invisible. We forget we are thinking and accept our thoughts as reality. Rather than noticing thoughts and deciding if we want to respond to them, we usually assume they are absolutely true and react to them. Richard Carlson in his book Slowing Down to the Speed of Life, gives an example of this process:

Next time you are feeling uncomfortable in some way, let that be a trigger to examine your thoughts. Remind yourself your thinking is automatic but you can choose if you want to let it go or pursue it. Try the phrase "there goes another one" and let the thought go rather than being lured into the details of your thought. Of course, many of our thoughts are helpful and necessary, but if you notice your mind is racing or you're overwhelmed, first look at your thinking and redirect it in a less stressful direction. If your can't redirect your thinking, stop what you are doing and take a few minutes to write down what's occupying you. If it's important, make a plan on how to deal with it. If it's not important, let it go.

Focusing on the present moment also helps with managing thoughts. Notice the richness of what is happening right now rather than thinking about how much better things will be someday (future) or longing for the old days (past). (See Resource Sheet for information on Mindfulness. Mindfulness is also covered in the Relaxation Technique section).

If negative thinking is increasing your stress load, you can learn to turn that habit around. People who stay healthy in spite of many life stressors usually have positive attitudes that help protect and strengthen them. Researchers who have studied these "stress survivors" have found that one major attribute that many of them have in common is a sense of control over their lives-- a belief in their ultimate ability to "take charge." You can begin to strengthen your sense of control over your own life by taking charge of one area of your life every day -- whether it's completing a major, long-term project, or simply cleaning out the glove compartment of your car.

• I will focus on what's right with me, not what's wrong.
• I respect and honor myself.
• I feel kind and loving toward myself-just as I am.
• I can see the funny side of my strengths and weakness.
• I can control the way I feel by thinking positive thoughts.
• I will compare myself to my personal best, not to anyone else.
• I accept my own feelings, both positive and negative.
• I can handle my stressors one step at a time.
• I make mistakes, like anyone else; I forgive myself and learn.
• I can enjoy my life here and now, not in the past or the future.
• I have shortcomings, just like everybody else. So what?

• I will focus on the good in people, not the bad.
• Most people are doing the best they can.
• People's actions toward me often say more about them than about me.
• People who hurt me are probably hurting inside.

• The more I understand another person, the less he/she bothers me.
• Other people may need to place their own needs before mine.
• I will ask people for what I want without griping.
• I enjoy giving and receiving compliments.
• I can understand and be understood by people I disagree with.
• Revenge is not sweet. It is sour and bitter for the soul.
• I can get along well with people by being assertive.
• If someone dislikes or does not respect me, I can still like and respect myself.

• I will count my blessings. Why waste the good by focusing on the bad? My blessings are:

• I will see the humor in my life and get some laughs out of it!
• I will care more about other people and get my mind off me.
• This situation has got to have positive aspects. They are:

• The future is mine to create. I will waste no energy on the past.
• Belief in a positive outcome is my first step toward making it so.
• One setback is not a catastrophe.
• Am I really powerless? What can I do to regain some control?
• Life isn't fair. Why make things tough by expecting fairness?

There is a simple technique, outlined below. Most people feel better right away, and continue to improve as long as they practice. Use the form below and try this process:

• Every time you have a negative feeling, stop and ask, "What am I thinking? What am I telling myself?"

• If you can, write down the negative thought.

• Then think of a more positive statement you could make to yourself. Try one from the list above if you like.

• Repeat the positive statement to yourself several times.

• Decide how you would act if you really believed the positive statement. Act that way as much as you can.

• This process really works. Give it a try, using the form on the next page. If you'd like personalized assistance in handling stress, call PAS (Personal Assistance Service) at 416-1727.