Achieving Balance Between Work and FamilyThe Challenge

Overview

You work full time. You recently had a bout with the flu, and were out of work for a week. You have a lot of work to catch up on, and an important meeting this morning. You wake up early, get organized…and your child wakes up with a high fever. You've used up all your sick days, and you can't miss more work. What do you do? How do you feel?

or

Your aging mother is becoming frail and more dependent on you. She's been ill lately, seems disoriented and forgetful, and you worry about her being alone all day. A neighbor calls you at work. Your mother has fallen and broken her hip. She was taken to the hospital immediately. You're pushing to meet an important deadline. What do you do? How do you feel?

At work, you are expected to be on time, to perform specific tasks and carry out certain responsibilities. Other people are counting on you. Job performance is the bottom line, and you are expected to organize the rest of your life in order to do your job effectively. At the same time you have very real and pressing family needs and responsibilities. Your children and other family members need your time and energy to meet their emotional and physical needs. There never seems to be enough time or energy to go around. And what about time for yourself? Whether it's dealing with an unexpected crisis or juggling the routine-but-conflicting demands of work and family, achieving a comfortable balance between work, personal and family life often feels out of reach and even impossible.

Our busy lives today are full and exciting, but at the same time complicated and stressful. Many of us are "on overload." Dramatic changes are taking place in the lives of men and women and how they relate to their families and the workplace. With more women in the workplace, what was once considered "typical" family life has changed considerably. We are likely to find there's no one home to take care of the children, the elderly, or even let in the plumber.

Changing Expectations

The expectations for parents have changed dramatically in the past two decades. Today's parents are caught between two powerful images that have shaped their lives and their vision of what a good parent should be. On one hand, there is the traditional family image of the 1950s where Mom was home meeting all the needs of her family on demand, while Dad was the sole breadwinner. On the other hand, there is the modern image of "Super Mom and Dad", both working and bringing home income. At the same time, they are nurturing their children, spending quality time together, managing the household chores, being good at their jobs, having outside interests and activities, and keeping their stress and cholesterol levels in check.

Single parents and two-income families are carrying an enormous burden trying to do all this. They often set themselves up for guilt as they try to live up to these conflicting and unrealistic expectations. Today's parents are in transition-trying to live up to both traditional and modern images at the same time. Women continue to most often carry the primary responsibility for child and elder care and household management, even if they work outside the home. However, men's roles have changed slowly and significantly over the last twenty years. Young fathers are more involved with their children than ever before. At the same time they are still putting in long, hard hours at work, and competing for better jobs. They are also sharing household tasks with their wives. National surveys indicate that 72% of men, compared to 83% of women, experience "significant conflict between work and family."

Despite the strain of work and family issues, it's important to keep in mind there are positive aspects of being a working parent. Just as working enriches our own life, it can have positive effects on our children. We serve as role models to help our children become resourceful, reliable, responsible, and independent - factors which are important ingredients in helping children develop greater self esteem.

Sources of Work and Family Stress
Stress, in general, comes from change and the pressure of too many demands and desires. For one thing, it can arise from the high expectations we have for ourselves. We want to do well at our job; we want to be a good parent, to help our own parents when they need care, and to spend quality time with loved ones. We all want to excel. But given the limits of time and energy, it's easy to feel as if we're not "making the grade" either at home or at work.

Identifying your stressors is a good place to begin understanding where your energy goes. These barriers or roadblocks to achieving balance in our work, family and personal lives fall into two broad categories:

Our beliefs affect our attitudes. These, in turn, often determine our behavior.

Skills and Strategies for Achieving Balance

Interestingly, the same skills that contribute to your success on the job and make you a valued, productive employee are the skills you need to manage your home life and to achieve that healthy balance. These skills include:

The Pay-Off
Applying these skills in your job, personal and family life helps you:

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