Achieving Balance Between Work and Family The Challenge

Communicating What You Need

A. Communicating Effectively

The ability to communicate well on the job and at home is a vital skill that saves time and produces positive results. The busier we are, the harder it is to take the time to really connect with people. Good communication skills help build and strengthen relationships that are so vital to our well-being. We often assume that people know what we mean, what we want or need, what we expect. Unfortunately, that's usually not the case. Communication is a two-way process: it involves what you say and how you say it, and how the other person responds. When you really want to connect with someone:

• Establish eye contact
• Use "I" messages; state clearly and honestly what you think, feel or want with the regard to the other person's feelings.
• Do not name-call or judge, etc.
• Listen attentively; ask yourself "what am I hearing?"
• Respond verbally and non-verbally
• Check out your understanding with the speaker, "I hear you saying..."

• At work, in staff meetings, with supervisors, co-workers, customers or clients..
• At home, in your conversation with family members.

Conducting a regular family meeting is an especially effective way to practice communicating and to share ideas, concerns and plans. It is also a good way to engage the family in taking on household responsibilities.

The Family Meeting
The purpose of the meeting is to make plans and decisions, to solve problems that affect the entire family, and to encourage communication and appreciation among all family members. A family meeting may be called by parents or children. It is a good forum for children when they are upset or concerned, and need to share this with others.

One basic guideline to make your family meetings go well is to set ground rules.

For example:

• Every family member has a chance to speak.
• Each family member may share (without fear of judgment) what he/she thinks and feels about an issue.
• No interrupting. Everyone gets to finish thoughts and sentences.
• Some decisions are reserved as the parents' right to decide, but others are made by the group.

B. SETTING LIMITS

Set limits on what you can and can not do. Saying "no" is difficult for many of us. Why? We feel guilty. We think it's our responsibility or duty to get certain things done. Or we may genuinely want to do more than we have time to do. Here are five tips for saying "no".

1. Be honest. Say "no" when it reflects your true feelings or constraints.
2. Use non-verbal cues: make eye contact and be firm but not threatening.
3. Be brief. The longer you talk the more likely you are to give in.
4. Give a brief explanation but avoid excuses.
5. Use the positive statements to minimize friction and communicate your desire to help. Suggest an alternative when feasible. For example, "I'm interested in the project and I enjoy working with you but I can't stay tonight. I can do it first thing in the morning if that will help."

Remember, being over committed makes you under committed to things that are your true priorities.

C. DELEGATING

In addition to setting limits, you can free up your time by delegating and sharing your load with others. Take a team approach. Involve family members. Even small children can help with household chores. There's no need to do it all yourself.

How to Delegate

• Analyze the job.
• What needs to be done?
• Can anyone else do it?
• Who can do it?
• Take time to explain or train other family members how to do the task.
• Assign the responsibilities or let family members choose the tasks they'll be responsible for.
• Rotate unpleasant chores.
• Give specific, clear instructions with a deadline - especially with children.
• Ask for what you need and when you need it and also consider the other person's feelings. Ask for their input and cooperationl Keep your tone positive and friendly. Don't whine.
• "I really need your help. Can you do this?"
• "Can you help me determine how we can get everything done?"
• Be appreciative - let themknow they've helped. Job well done!
• Stop being a prefectionist ("I can do it better and faster.")
• Avoid negative statements that defeat your purpose: "If I knew you'd do it that way, I'd have done it myself!"

D. Establishing Support Systems Create support systems in both your professional and personal life. You may understand how "networking" is important - keeping in touch with different people in your field, discussing things with co-workers, learning how others solve job problems - are all useful. Establishing a support system is essential to successfully managing work and family. Work is only part of our lives. Having positive, nurturing relationships with close friends and loved ones is essential as well.

Here are some guidelines for establishing a solid support system:

• Nurture friendships; make time for friends
• Reach out to others in your same situation, both at work and elsewhere
• Barter or trade-off with friends or neighbors for child care and other needs
• Have emergency child care back-ups - senior citizens, agency offering temporary or emergency care, teachers, students
• Identify community resources that are available to meet your needs
• Purchase household services, if possible

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